318 andif thesituationhadnotbeensodesperatelyserious, I wouldhavelaughedatthesightofus. Afteralongdiscussionwedecidedtoleavethecelarand moveintooneoftheupperstoriesofthehouseintheback ofthecourtyard.Weranthroughthecourtyardwithout lookingaround,beingonlygladtobeoutofthedarkcelar. ARussiantriedaflyingtackleatme,but Iwasfasterthan he.Thenwesatdownintheapartment,andlistenedforthe door,toseeifanyonerangorknocked.Whowouldbethe firsttobeseized?Mysisterweptandweptwithoutstopping. Thebelrang!IjumpedupbutwherecouldIgo?Wasita dream—Iheardmyfather'svoice,askingifwewerethere. Yes,itwashe,andwithhimmybrother-in-law.Theyhad runawayfromtheVolkssturmduringthenight,andhad managedtogethome.NowIbegantocrytoo. Weconsideredhowwecouldhideourselves,particularlymy sister,asshewasalmostlosinghermind.Wehidherinthe attic,andpiledtrunksandboxesinfrontofher. Iwastoo bigtobehidinthatfashion.Underthebed,behindtheward- robe,alloftheseplacesdidnotseemsafeenough,sinceaswe hadheard,theRussianslookedcarefullyeverywhereforwom- en,andwoebetidethosetheyfoundhidden!Againapiercing scream!Thistimetheyhadrapedanelderlyspinsterinthe fronthouse,sohardshealmostbledtodeath.Webrought mysisterbackoutoftheattic,itwasn'tsafeenough.Iwent withmyfathertoanotherfamilyinthehouse,tofindout whattheyweregoingtodothatnight. Ihadhardlygoten insidetheirapartmentwhenthebelrang.MyfriendandI lookedateachotherinhorror.Nowitwasus.Russianvoices outsidethedoor,andthenakickingofbootsagainstthedoor. TwoRussianscamein.Webothwentpalewithfright.They satdowninthekitchenandlookedusovercarefuly.Fortunatelymyfriend'sfatherspokePolish,andcouldatleast understand.Aftermuchhemmingandhawing,theyexplainedthattheywouldcomebackintheeveningtosleep withusgirls.However,ifhehadanyintentionofhidingus, heandhiswifewouldbeshotandtheapartmentguted. Thereuponthegentlementookleave. Afteralongdiscussionwedecidedtosubmittowhatap- pearedtoustobeinevitable,andbegantogetready.The motherofmyfriendmadeushotwatertowashwith.The wholethingwassohorrible, I hadacontinuousfeeling I wouldgotopieces.ButcouldIgoawayandtherebybecome responsibleforthedeathsoftwopeople?Sowewaited,pale aschalk,fortheRussiansuntileighto'clockintheevening. Nobodyhadyetcome.Suddenlywedecidedwewouldallgo tothecelarandbaricadeourselvesthere,letcomewho would.Veryquietlywecreptacrossthecourtyardinthe darktothecellar,wherewespentaghastlynight. Ithought Iwouldchoke,whenaboutmidnightIheardstepsandRussianvoicescomingdownintothecelar.Weclungcloseto eachother.Weprayedsilentlythattheymightnotfindus, andtheydidn'tfindus. Thenightpassedwithoutmishap,whatwouldtheday bring?Coldandexhausted,wewentbacktoourapartment. Thehotcoffeewasrefreshing.Nowallthewaterwasgone, andwehadtogetmore.Togetapitcherofwateryouhad tostand3or4hoursinline,andthenwhenonehadfinaly gonethelongwayhome,halfthewaterwasspiltoutofthe pitcher,or ifonehadbadluck,theRussianswouldtakeit awayfromyoutogivetotheirhorses.Naturalywomen couldnotdaretogoforwater. Ontopofallthis,camethebeginningofstarvation.We hadusedupallourfoodsupply,andnomorecouldbe bought.Eachpieceofdrybreadbecamemorepreciousthan apieceofgold.Peoplewentoutonthestreetsandcutoff imenadninharmar8wasnodeadhorsethathadnot polities beenhacked;onlytheremnantsremainedonthestreet,skin, hoofs,head,entrailsandtail. Ilookedfrombehindthecurtainatthestreet. Itwas packedwithRussians,wagonsandartillery.Thewagonswere packedfullofstolentrunks,mattresses,etc.Thestreetswere anunholymessofstrawandexcrements,witchthehorses kickedabout,andtheRussiansansweredcalsofnatureright onthestreet. Weallsataroundthetableanddebatedwhatwewoulddo forthecomingnight.Myfatherthenhadagoodidea,that weshouldgoforthenighttoanapartmentonthethirdfloor. ExperiencehadshownthattheRussiansseizedwomenmostly fromthecellars,thegroundfloors,andthesecondstories. Apparentlytogohigherwastoomucheffortforthem.At duskwecreptquietlyupthestairs,baricadedthedoorwith boards,andlaydownonthebed.Itwasthefirstnightwhen weatleasthadthefeelingofbeingsafe. Itgrewdark,andthenthefrightfuldramaofbatlebegan again.Theredsky,whichwasalwaysmovingtowardthe West.Therewerefootstepsrunningthroughthestreets,and raucousvoicescaledout,"Openup,openup!"Thenthere wasthebangingofbootsandgunsbateringdownthedoors, womens'screamsforhelp,excitedmen'svoices,shots.Thus itwentonforthewholenight,andonecouldnotthinkof sleeping.Towardmorningthingsbecamemorepeaceful,our nervesquieteddown,andwegotacoupleofhoursofsleep. Butwewerestillveryfrightened,andwaitedforthenew daywithanxiety. Ilookedoutofthewindow.Itwasstillearly. Ishrank backinhorror.NowIknewwhattheshotslastnighthad meant.Thepeoplewerelying•onthestreetshot.Nobody knewwhy.Thereweredeadfromalmosteveryhouse.Many peoplehadcommitedsuicide,particularlywomenandyoung girls.Wholefamiliesdiedtogether,forfear,forhunger,or becausetheywereshot.Howmanywomenlosttheirlives tryingtoprotectthemselvesfromrape!Thesewomenwere shotthroughthestomach.Menwhotriedtosavetheirwives wereshot.Childrendiedaftertheirparentswerekiled.All thesepeoplewereburiedbytheirneighborsinthefrontyards, orwheretherewasavacantpieceofground,asitwasnot possibletotakethemtothecemetery. Themiserygrewfromdaytoday.Peoplewerealmoststarvingtodeath,andthenonemorningcamethenewsthatthe Russainshadfoundalargestoreoffoodsuppliesandeveryonewasalowedtotakewhateverhecouldcarry. Ithought atfirstitwasarusetoenticethewomenout,butitsemed nottobe.Peopleranfortheirlivestogettherefirst,andthere Ilearnedforthefirsttimehowmencanturnintobeasts.It washorriblethewaynoonewouldleaveanythingforthe others,buteachtriedtotakeevenmorethanhecouldcarry, andthewaythestrongpeoplesimplytoretheweakones apart.Onecouldonlygetwhathecouldcarryawayquickly. Butthelivesofmanypeopledependedonwhattheycould get.Myfatherandmybrother-in-lawtoomanagedtoget whattheycould,andwewerethankfultothemthatwehad somethingtoeatforthenextweeks. Wewomennowliveddayandnightintheapartmenton thethirdfloor,andhardlyevencametothewindow,soas nottorunanychanceofbeingseen.Ourhousewasvisited dayandnightbytheRussians,andtheybrokeintooneapartmentparticularlyalthoughthewomantherewasnolonger young,buthada14-year-oldson.Onthisafternoontoo (April28)weheardagainthebreakingopenofthedoorand thepoorwoman'scriesforhelp.ThreeRussiansburstinand rapedher.Hersonwascompeledtowitnessthewholeprocess. Finalyanotherhouseholdergotupcourageandwenttothe Commandanttoreportthematter.ACommissarcameim- mediatelybackwithhim,andsurprisedthelastofthethree
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